By An Alert Intern

Another successful pumpkin-firing test from the City of Frankfort created tension for Village of Elberta residents this weekend. Public pressure is mounting for the Elberta Solstice Foundation to develop a world-class gourd defense system.

A local gnome was overheard saying, “If we cannot even protect our Life Saving Station adequately, if we can’t launch even the smallest potato back at them, then how can my many children even think about sleeping?”

With a pumpkin-power-enabled city performing weapons tests just over the bay, will the educations of Village children suffer due to lack of sleep?

Some villagers feel these deliberate and aggressive calibration tests need a strong, united Elberta response. Rumors continue to circulate about Elberta’s decommissioned sundial/train switchback being transformed into a functioning trebuchet with a range of 4,483.52 feet.  

One local builder, who wished to remain anonymous, claims to have a prototype. “The working name for this project is Young Glory 5 Foot 12,” says the local builder. The local builder admits that coming up with names is not his strong suit.